I finally had a distinct feeling today that I'm going to be just fine. I feel this thick cloud that's been surrounding me start to lift away. I know that it will take time, but my smile will come back. I will learn to laugh and socialize just like I did before and I will get through this.
Last night was the first time that I've been around that many people. I had one of my YW come up and hug me and say that she was sorry about my miscarriage. Exact words. Took me back a little and I was really trying to be nice since I'm supposed to be the adult and an example to her, but I didn't really know what to say. I think that I mumbled a quick thanks. Then I had one of the YM leaders tell me to "smile". I almost wanted to wave the unpleasant finger at him, but thought that might not be a good idea. I thought that I had been being pleasant enough but whatever. It just felt good to be trying to get back to normal with life.
Tonight I finally made it back to the gym for the first time. It felt good to burn some calories and really good to get out of the house away from my girls for a bit. It's really weird when I go out because I find myself thinking "the last time I was here I was pregnant"... but tonight it didn't make me cry. And the sad songs on the radio didn't make me cry either. And I started to feel like the old me just a little bit more.
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