Knowing the limits

How do you know when you're done... having kids that is???
Personally I always wondered how women/ marriages came to that conclusion. I'm deep in the midst of  my child bearing part of life, as are most of the people around me. Some are just starting, some are a few kids in, some aren't sure if they want more, and some- the very select few my age- will openly admit that they are DONE!! And they say it with a sigh of relief and a smile that will brighten a room.
Some I have talked with say that they have a "feeling" or they have had dreams knowing that they are not done yet along with a million other reasons. But not many women will give you their specific reasons for being done. Because in doing that we sound like horrible mothers and disgusting women when the truth is really that we have reached our limits in one way or another.

So here comes my story. I AM DONE!!! Well not quite- I mean I do need to finish this current pregnancy which I am currently 23 wks- but after that I AM DONE!!! I don't give a flying crap about what people say about me being only 28, blah, blah, blah... Guess what  (especially to my uber opinionated m.i.l.) I don't care what you think or say. WE (yes we as in my hubby and I) are done and completely agree on this.

You see after I had my 3rd child I felt like I could conquer the world and the possibility of having 6+ children entered into my mind. Crazy, yes, but at the time I felt like it was very possible. Fast forward to now, a little over a year later, and I know for sure that 4 is enough for me. Now to the why:

As sad as it is for me to admit, I have felt very drained: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually... you name it I've been it. I've felt very alone and depressed. It's a bit scary to admit that you've been feeling depressed, but I guess at least I'm mature enough to admit that, well to the world now. I've found myself not being the best version of myself that I know I can be, especially in my eternally important roles as wife and mother. As much as I would love an even bigger family, I want my children to see a happy positive mommy. Not one who loses her temper too easily or is withdrawn and crying between bouts of yelling. Yes I know that pregnancy can bring out some strong hormones in a woman- obviously this is the case with me and some women handle it better than others. I want my husband to have a loving and supportive wife who is not dead to the world most days from complete lack of energy.

These past few months have been a serious struggle for me. My house has been under construction since mid May and in turn I feel like the rest of my life has been in complete disarray as well. But coming to my realization has given me a light at the end of my tunnel.

So this is our big announcement: THIS WILL BE OUR LAST BABY!

And I would gladly shout it from any rooftop.

Worth a thousand words

Ignore the screaming white tummy that never sees the sun
Look past my stretch marks
Don't listen to the self conscious mommy who has always been embarrassed by her misshapen lumpy pregnancy belly and has never taken a bare belly shot before even though this will be my 4th babe
Because last night my husband rolled over and while sleeping put his hand here.
And lil man started kickin away.
It was such a sweet moment.  I even had to turn on the reading light to capture it.